Blog

Category: Blog

One and done

One and done

When we drove onto the grounds of the treatment center, my first thought was, this is it.  This is where my son gets well. The setting was picture-perfect.  Pastoral.   Any ache, mental or physical, would be healed here, swept away under ancient, leafy oaks, cleansed alongside a sweep of graceful weeping willows. Even the stream …

+ Read More

What’s in a name

What’s in a name

Ask anyone who knows something about addiction. Or read any article on the topic. Most will say addiction is a disease. When I first heard that, even long before addiction assaulted my family, I thought it was a kind way of labeling something people did to themselves.   Abusing drugs or alcohol was a choice, wasn’t …

+ Read More

Denying denial

Denying denial

The mom’s face gives it away every time.  Her son is using only a little, she tells me.  He smokes weed sometimes.  Well maybe more than just sometimes. Yes, he spends a lot of time in his room, and he doesn’t seem to care about school anymore.  But no, he’s not an addict. For the …

+ Read More

The middle C

The middle C

At first, I didn’t get it.   Maybe no one does at the beginning. When you’re new to addiction in a loved one or friend, you learn about the “Three Cs:” You didn’t cause it. You can’t control it and You can’t cure it. It took months, maybe years, to accept each of these. Like a …

+ Read More

Letting it go

Letting it go

“Mom, I lost my job.  Dad wanted me to call and tell you.” Like so many other crises during the years of my son’s active addiction, this one arrived with terrible timing.  Half-the country away, I was about to leave my hotel room to proctor a professional exam. A two-hour time difference meant it was …

+ Read More

The steps before the steps

The steps before the steps

Many people today know about “Twelve Step” programs that support men and women with addictions – of almost any kind. But for those who are new to addiction in a loved one or friend, they may not realize there are “steps” before the “Twelve. “ For me, the first step was denial. When a trusted …

+ Read More

Family secrets

Family secrets

What happens when a family keeps a secret about a tragedy buried for decades? That’s the premise of Dani Shapiro’s new novel Signal Fires.  Reading it for a book club, I couldn’t help but overlay that question on my own family’s history. What if I had never disclosed – to anyone – that my son …

+ Read More

A small win

A small win

This winter I had the opportunity to speak at three treatment centers in South Florida with my son. Jacob was the moderator. One of his friends from AA spoke first, sharing his experience and hope. Then it was my turn as an Al Anon member. Because I was sitting next to Jacob, an AA member …

+ Read More

Dumbstruck

Dumbstruck

“Detach with love.” The first time I heard that phrase I was dumbstruck. A former English major, I had to parse the words to make sense of it. “Detach?”  You mean separate myself from my son? How does a mother detach from her children? And how do you do it “with love?” What does that …

+ Read More

One day, one moment at a time

One day, one moment at a time

After addiction, if you’re lucky, there is recovery – both for you and for your loved one. And if you’re very lucky – and you’ve done the work – you’ve learned how to live one day at a time. Even harder, you may have learned how to be present in every moment. On a Friday …

+ Read More